“The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self- all your wishes and precautions- to Christ. But it is far easier than what we are all trying to do instead. For what we are trying to do is to remain what we call ‘ourselves’, to keep personal happiness as our great aim in life, and yet at the same time be ‘good’. We are all trying to let our mind and heart go their own way- centered on money or pleasure or ambition- and hoping, in spite of this, to behave honestly and chastley and humbly. And that is what Christ warned us you could not do. As He said, a thistle cannot produce figs. If I am in a field that contains nothing but gras-seed, I cannot produce wheat. Cutting the grass down may keep it short: but I shall still produce grass and no wheat. If I want to produce wheat, the change must go deeper than the surface. I must be ploughed up and re-sown.

That is why the real problem of the Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it. It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists of simply shoving them all back; in listening to that Other Voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other Larger, Stronger, Quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussings and frettings coming in and out of the wind.

We can only do it for moments at first. But from those moments the new sort of life will be Spreading through our systems: because now we are letting Him work at the right part of us. It is the difference between paint, which is merely laid on the surface, and a dye or stain which soaks right through.

What we have been told is how we men can be drawn into Christ- caan become part of that wonderful present which the young Prince of the universe wants to offer to His father- that present which is Himself and therefore Us IN Him. It is the only thing we were made for. And there are strange, exciting hints in the Bible that when we are drawn in, a great Many things in nature will begin to Come Right.”

Lewis

Lately, I have been struggling in giving God my whole heart. It is so difficult sometimes to completely die to myself and simply put my full trust in Christ. I know His will is perfect [His weakness is stronger than our strongest times, etc] but sometimes it is difficult to come to grips with the fact that I am so insignificant. I have been praying for wisdom in situations, and right now don’t know 100% where to go. But who would I be if I knew the right thing to do on my own? My desire is to follow Christ, to be more Christ-like, to share Christ with the world. The other night, Alex asked me, what would I do if I could do anything with my life? Where would I go…What would my profession be? I’ve been asked the question numerous times- too many to even count. But in my heart, my truest passion that is held dear to my heart is serving others. It’s being the one to go out of her way to make the lives of others easier. It’s putting myself down to a servant level in order to bring others up. And, in my heart, I feel led to Africa or India. And, I think it must be God because I don’t know how I would go about getting there, yet my heart still pulls me there a bit. To become a doctor is enough of a lofty goal, but to go to a foreign country to be a practicing doctor while spreading the Gospel? This is clearly something that can only be accomplished with God’s help. And, if it is His will, I have no doubts that He will make a way for it to happen. But what I do find myself doubting is WHAT the heck I am meant to do…And I suppose I will continue to be in the dark until I start putting all of my trust in God’s plan. In the short term, wisdom is also needed in other areas…lately I’ve been feeling things that I never have before. And honestly, that’s terrifying. I wonder what God’s purpose is in putting certain people in our lives. I’m sure they are there for a reason…and for us to learn something. And grow closer to Him in the process. And to not give up. And to pray without ceasing! The power of prayer is….incredible. My 4 that I have been praying for, I am seeing God working when I spend time praying for them! And that is so refreshing. I am so overjoyed and cannot help but smile when I see Him blessing them.
God, you are faithful. Help me to be faithful to Your ways.