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“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”
–Mere Christianity
‘But if once you have begun to see that Christianity is probable you will know in your heart that this is only evading the issue. What can you ever really know of other people’s souls–of their temptations, their opportunities, their struggles? One soul in the whole creation you do know and it is the only one whose fate is placed in your hands. If there is a God, you are, in a sense, alone with Him. You cannot put Him off with speculations..What will all the hearsay count when the fog which we call ‘nature’ or ‘the real world’ fades away and the Presence in which you have always stood becomes palpable, immediate, and unavoidable?
-Mere Christianity
I really liked this passage. The other night, Alex explained to me, frustrated, how he doubts Christian genuity- that half of the people in church are simply going through the motions [among other things..]. And I had to say, he’s probably sadly true. We will Never Truly Know the heart of others, and what they think, how they feel, what makes them tick…..but there’s one who we know. And that is ourselves. While we can never know the inner workings of others, we know the inner workings of ourselves. And God knows all we know, plus an infinitude more. I may be indecisive, silly, misunderstood, and the like, but I am seeking and striving toward God’s heart. I want to be a little Christ, and every day I want to get closer. And I sometimes doubt, everyone doubts from time to time, but I know my heart, and it stands in Christ.
But, I confuse myself.
Christ brings clarity.
“The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self- all your wishes and precautions- to Christ. But it is far easier than what we are all trying to do instead. For what we are trying to do is to remain what we call ‘ourselves’, to keep personal happiness as our great aim in life, and yet at the same time be ‘good’. We are all trying to let our mind and heart go their own way- centered on money or pleasure or ambition- and hoping, in spite of this, to behave honestly and chastley and humbly. And that is what Christ warned us you could not do. As He said, a thistle cannot produce figs. If I am in a field that contains nothing but gras-seed, I cannot produce wheat. Cutting the grass down may keep it short: but I shall still produce grass and no wheat. If I want to produce wheat, the change must go deeper than the surface. I must be ploughed up and re-sown.
That is why the real problem of the Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it. It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists of simply shoving them all back; in listening to that Other Voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other Larger, Stronger, Quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussings and frettings coming in and out of the wind.
We can only do it for moments at first. But from those moments the new sort of life will be Spreading through our systems: because now we are letting Him work at the right part of us. It is the difference between paint, which is merely laid on the surface, and a dye or stain which soaks right through.
What we have been told is how we men can be drawn into Christ- caan become part of that wonderful present which the young Prince of the universe wants to offer to His father- that present which is Himself and therefore Us IN Him. It is the only thing we were made for. And there are strange, exciting hints in the Bible that when we are drawn in, a great Many things in nature will begin to Come Right.”
Lewis
Lately, I have been struggling in giving God my whole heart. It is so difficult sometimes to completely die to myself and simply put my full trust in Christ. I know His will is perfect [His weakness is stronger than our strongest times, etc] but sometimes it is difficult to come to grips with the fact that I am so insignificant. I have been praying for wisdom in situations, and right now don’t know 100% where to go. But who would I be if I knew the right thing to do on my own? My desire is to follow Christ, to be more Christ-like, to share Christ with the world. The other night, Alex asked me, what would I do if I could do anything with my life? Where would I go…What would my profession be? I’ve been asked the question numerous times- too many to even count. But in my heart, my truest passion that is held dear to my heart is serving others. It’s being the one to go out of her way to make the lives of others easier. It’s putting myself down to a servant level in order to bring others up. And, in my heart, I feel led to Africa or India. And, I think it must be God because I don’t know how I would go about getting there, yet my heart still pulls me there a bit. To become a doctor is enough of a lofty goal, but to go to a foreign country to be a practicing doctor while spreading the Gospel? This is clearly something that can only be accomplished with God’s help. And, if it is His will, I have no doubts that He will make a way for it to happen. But what I do find myself doubting is WHAT the heck I am meant to do…And I suppose I will continue to be in the dark until I start putting all of my trust in God’s plan. In the short term, wisdom is also needed in other areas…lately I’ve been feeling things that I never have before. And honestly, that’s terrifying. I wonder what God’s purpose is in putting certain people in our lives. I’m sure they are there for a reason…and for us to learn something. And grow closer to Him in the process. And to not give up. And to pray without ceasing! The power of prayer is….incredible. My 4 that I have been praying for, I am seeing God working when I spend time praying for them! And that is so refreshing. I am so overjoyed and cannot help but smile when I see Him blessing them.
God, you are faithful. Help me to be faithful to Your ways.
